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Oh boy, I think this will ruffle some feathers but we are all entitled to our opinions and I have one too.

I have to admit that lately I feel bad for the position my male counterparts have been put in, and I wonder if I am partially to blame as well?  Why?  Because I am a woman.   Let’s face it, with all these allegations and accusations of rape, sexual misconduct and harassment these past few months, men have been stripped of their ability to be men around women. It seems that any encounter that isolates a man and woman could possibly be the downfall of a his career and personal life.  They are dropping like flies.

The women who have come forward these past few months, and who have shared their experiences are incredibly brave, and their accusers should be punished to the full extent of the law, if proven guilty of the acts and accusations.  I am not taking anything away from the rape charges and sexual advances, and there is no denying that rape removes ever ounce of a woman’s self-worth.  That being said, I am sexually harassed on a regular basis, but I also know that sometimes actions and words can be misconstrued on both sides.   It’s not just the men who flirt and make comments, women are quite capable as well, and yet it always comes down to the man’s actions in the end.  As if she was never there and had nothing to do with it.   I do enjoy a little fun banter as long as the opposite sex understands that it’s not an invitation.  That has to be understood on both sides, not just the man’s.  Anything beyond that needs to be addressed and stopped in its tracks to prevent unwanted verbal comments or physical advances.

My big beef with the past events that have been brought to light is the fact that all these women waited years to come forward and confront their accused,  up to 20 years and more for some.  My other beef is that most of these women had the opportunity to leave the situation they were in, and rather freely, I might add.   In my opinion, if a man asks me if he can pleasure himself in front of me, I guarantee you that I am leaving and not sticking around, unless of course, I find it somewhat flattering.  No job is worth being degraded for anyone’s sexual pleasure and it should not be considered flattery.

I feel the lines of communication between men and women have changed drastically and for the worse, and I am saddened by it. All the good men of the world can no longer be themselves when alone with a woman that is not his partner/wife.   I feel that the odd encounter between a man and woman can become a situation that has men question those few minutes and wonder if he is safe from accusation.   Women have been given a power that I am not proud of.  We have been given a power that now keeps men on constant guard and concern and all these men from the past are now subject to a witch hunt.  Men are being held at more than an arm’s length and viewed as potential accusers becuase that’s what seems to be expected now.   Again, I’m not saying that the  accused should not be punished for their acts, but I hope that they are accussed for actual proven facts and no just allegations that can’t be proven because of he said, she said”.

I hope men and woman can again function in an environment where we are all equal and not considred less than or entilted because of our sex, but rather be free to communicate without fear of being accused or suspected.  I hope that this is not the way women take over the world.

4 Replies to “I’m with the men on this one.”

  1. HI Doe, I’m going to respectfully disagree with you on this one. Men are still able to be themselves around women if they aren’t naturally creepy jerks. My office is 20 women and me. I don’t engage in sexual banter with them, not to protect myself, but because it’s inappropriate. And in an environment with so many women, I’m even a little surprised that I never hear them engage in that sort of talk among themselves. You say that the banter needs to go two ways, That’s true. I’d suggest anyone coming forward with complaints either didn’t reciprocate or felt they needed to to protect their job. Very few people in society have the ability to pick up and walk out. I did that recently from a bad workplace and it was the most stressful thing I’ve ever done– and my wife has a job, and we have savings, and my father told me he’d help out if things ever got dire. Many people don’t have that sort of backup and they just take the crap because they have no choice.

    1. Hi Jeff, I don’t expect everyone to agree with me but I do appreciate a male’s perspective. I work in a very male dominant environment. 89 men and 11 women. Although, the bigger part of our work community is very respectful, there are the few that make comments that can be considered harassment, depending of course to whom they are speaking. I posted this as I really wanted to hear what men thought about all of this. I personally have noticed a slight difference in some of my male colleagues, male friends, and my partner as well. Some of them have said things and then I hear them question what they said. Silly things, nothing hurtful but a little “risqué”. I personally made a comment a few weeks ago as a joke about a male colleague who went on a run and was wearing shorts. I said, “hey, nice legs” and we laughed and the other men made more comments about them. I never thought about the repercussions. One of the male colleagues jokingly said that if he’d said that about a woman’s legs the results could have been different. I understand that some don’t have a choice about leaving work. I’m a single mom of 2 and have tolerated some unpleasant comments and bizarre, advances in previous years. If I lost my job I’d be in trouble as I don’t have a back up. That being said, I guess it depends on the severity of things as well. I appreciate that you and I see things different. I am hoping that more men and women come and comment and help me see things differently and put the faith back in me so that we can all play in nicely in the same sandbox again without worry. 🙂

      1. Thank you for your thoughtful reply. The world (and the workplace) is definitely changing. I should have added to my comment earlier that I really like your clear, concise style of writing. It’s a good piece.

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